Tell us about the last thing you got excited about.

Am I allowed to mention two? The reason is, that I will be admitting to two insane (somewhat embarrassing, in particular, the first one) reality T.V. shows that will ultimately reveal the most garbage parts of my personality that I’ve kept concealed to a FEW amounts of people. I mean, I’m talking like, MAYBE 10 people, and 5 of them are my ACTUAL friends in my circle and we don’t even all collectively hang out (I know that most women have a larger bridal party than I do legitimate friends, but that’s not what we’re talking about? Is it?) together, like as a clique or squad or whatever that K-POP band decided it was, like, a year ago. A gaggle who fucking knows (a gaggle is often used about clusters of more than 5 geese; a gaggle of geese, if you will. BIRD FACTS) just whatever the damn kids these days are referring to their main social circle as. 

Street Outlaws OKC

I used to love the show (let’s be honest I still do ha-ha), Street Outlaws on Discovery. I think? Doesn’t matter, I’m OBSESSED with two of the cast members on the show (omg this is so embarrassing the more I type) Farmtruck and Azn (pronounced Asian, and yes, he IS actually asian). Farmtruck is far older than Azn, and Farmtruck drives a farm truck, albeit it’s a souped-up one with a few kits of nitrous, I don’t think the truck can have turbos but don’t quote me on that because I can pretend I like cars all day, but that doesn’t mean I know about cars. It was my 17th birthday, and EVERY year from usually the 14th-16th of January (it always starts on the 14th for some reason) the Calvacade of Customs car show in the Duke Energy Center, all the way in Newport, but on the opposite side of the bridge where the actual city is, not the one that leads the aquarium and all that junk (I’m terrible at directions, I could get lost in a brown paper bag). I was dating my ex-boyfriend Jon at the time and he kind of made me obsessed with the show (or it was the only time we got along lol), and he told me that Farmtruck and Azn were going to BE at the Calvacade of Customs signing autographs and meeting fans.

While I am a secret fan of “The often rivaled, never equaled” (god, I’m such a nerd) The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, and this is also a secert reality tv show obsession that I’m now admitting to. However, I remember waiting in line for 2 hours (I couldn’t believe Jon was even tolerating it, he wasn’t a fan of them like I was), and it was the best. Just to truly be among people who enjoy the same, weird, neiche thing as you do and you can be open about the fact that you’re essentially “fan-girling” about an obscure television show ha-ha, the sight was one to be seen. Only because it’s Ohio though.

Anyways, it was the best moment ever, they did NOT disappoint in any way, shape, or form. They were exactly as goofy and as lighthearted as they were on T.V. and despite the long line, I got to meet them in a time in my life when I was so sad and depressed all the fucking time, like that was right before our relationships ended, and the stress was invariably becoming much worse to the point where I couldn’t LIVE in the chaos anymore. I needed the emotional torture to stop, the obligation he felt he was entitled to when it came to having sex with me, in hindsight, wasn’t cool, and alienating me from my friends and family, red flag, at the very least. Especially now that I’m with my husband and it feels weird that he doesn’t do that any of that (really the oppposite haha), I’m being the proverbial “pervert” now and I kind of resent him for that because I just EXPECT all men to be like this and I’m not entirely sure they are (idk my husbands friend made me skeptical). This experience I would attribute as life-defining because it helped me break through a lot of that depression I was feeling. Plus how awesome is it that they are the same people as they portray themselves to be on T.V. as they are in person? That’s happened with every cast member or influencer that I just really relate with. They’re really bubbly, funny, and down to earth guys, and I think that is what was the icing on the cake. Best birthday tradition.

Azn is in the original of this picture as well, however Jon and I were in between the both of them, and I got lucky becasueI waited in line for Famtruck, so naturally, I just cropped him out. Sorry Azn lol.

The Tim Dillion Comedy Special at Taft Theatre located in Cincinnati, Ohio.

The second thing that I became excited about recently was probably seeing Tim Dillion live at the Taft Theatre in Cincinnati with my husband for a date night.

When I tell you that there are VERY few celebrities, influencers, artists, or comedians that make me incredibly happy, whose content I throroughly enjoy, and all of it to boot. He’s like Chris Farley for the modern day millenial, except he doesn’t have to hide in the closet, society hardly cares if you’re gay anymore. It’s not as tabboo a subject as it used to be, especially here in the Midwest.

What made it just as exciting if not more, it was the first time since my husband and I had our daughter that we had a day, no! A whole night to ourselves, with each other, and be able to enjoy one anothers company in almost 3 years. It was a little funny because my husband and I don’t REALLY handle stress all that well, and as you can imagine, a 3-year-old little girl doesn’t scream, “calm environment,” and it has the potential to make ourselves hate eachother just out of frustration.

Tonight was different. We dropped our daughter off at my mothers, with no plans of picking her up after the show. The feeling was pure ecstasy, delight, relief, and excitedness as we got back in the car with NO CHILD. Honestly it felt like I was actually 18-years-old again, and we could do anything we wanted.

It was a little awkward at first, You have to remeber we have been together for 6 years and 3 of those years were spent figuring out to how to be a parant and navigating the environment around each other, in this new space, and in this new role as parents around each other AND a baby.

We RAN to the car (after the goodbyes, of course) like excited little kids in the 2000s going to Toys ‘R’ Us, hopped in the seats, closed the door, and we were outta there. We listened to music and jammed in the car just like when we first met. We headed back to our house before we actually left for the show. Acutely aware of the fact that we had a house…..with NO Ham. No Ham? I immediately reslished in the silence as I was getting ready for the show. It was so crazy, putting on my makeup, and taking the actual time to be able to feel the liquid liner glide across my eyelid, the wetness of it, perfecting the line lke a car detailer, and feeling it dry on my eyelid, frantically fanning it wwith my hand, feeling the liner slowly dry as I awaited to apply my fake lashes.

There were no interruptions, no screaming, and most importantly: No screeching of the words “mom. mom. mom. mommy” (If you’re thinking about Lois from Family Guy sitting on her bed with a blank expression on her face as Stewie runs into the room, stops, and repeats all of the different variations of the word “mom” for at least 5 whole minutes, that’s EXCTLY what it’s like) oftentimes to be met with the most DUMB and completely solveable problem that she has decided she can’t solve today, despite having solved it yesterday with no issues. Everything felt a little lighter, and (even though I HATE admitting it) happier.

By happier I mean, happy to have the opportunity to actually be alone with my husband. You have to remind yourself when you have been with each other for such a long time that you DO actually love and LIKE being around each other (at least for those married and with domestic partners where financial stress and being first-time parents is NOT a communication/relationship stressor) and that we do enjoy eachothers company.

Once we were all ready to go, my husband took me up in a long warm hug, delicately placing a kiss on my forehead (as not to damage or lack of dsire for my newly applied lipgloss to rub off onto him) snd saying,

“You know, I DO love you very much, and I realize that when we don’t have the extra stress of raising a child and clearly,” he pauses, thoughtful for once (at least in my opinion haha), before he broke into a smile and chuckled, continued on adding, “we have no fucking idea what the hell we are doing, and I really couldn’t do this without you, nor would I want to do it with anyone else.”

It made my heart swell, and for those of you that have the wrong idea about my relationship with my husband let his statement speak for itself. If it’s only a fleeting verbal acknowledgement once a year, I’ll take it. I smiled, kissed him, and we hustled out the door. Once there we immediately sought out the line for the bar, we waited for what seemed like hours, and then we were at the front and to my surprise, luck was in our favor. We asked for vodka Redbull’s and the man who made it was a gay.

Let me explain, in the Midwest, if a gay man is your bartender, not ONLY is it a sign of good luck, but they also (especially in Ohio): Hook. That. Bitch. Up. He didn’t even use the entire redbull for each drink, just straight-up Tito’s vodka. Haha it was a great evening, the show was great, Tim Dillion and his opener were amazing, and my husband and I got some much needed alone time for a WHOLE night. I’m glad it went as well as it did. I’ll cherish that night forever.

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