Against Evil Works

“Because the sentence against an evil deed is not executed speedily, the heart of the children of man is fully set to do evil”(Ecclesiastes 8:11). …

Against Evil Works

Stop feeling guilty for saying no

I read an interesting statistic recently. Granted, this statistic was depicted via an account on Instagram, so I can’t exactly verify its actuality, …

Stop feeling guilty for saying no

Do Our Ideas About Beauty and Ugliness Change When We Close Our Eyes?

Do You Hear What I Hear? by Maria L. Berg 2022 This morning I did a search for “the ugliness in beauty” and found a couple of really interesting …

Do Our Ideas About Beauty and Ugliness Change When We Close Our Eyes?

Which topics would you like to be more informed about?

       There are many topics that I would like to be more informed about and am in the process of learning. The first one being the foster care system. The reason is obvious when you learn that I am writing a book about adoption with my experiences woven into it, and because adoption is an option in almost every facet of this country’s social services, I don’t think it would be a waste of time to learn about those intricacies and those issues. The only problem I have faced thus far in trying to write about this subject is I’m not sure how to structure it. I’m essentially doing all of this on my own and I have no sense of direction whatsoever. How do thread it all together when adoption is the glue that glorifies the entire system and makes it “okay” on a moral level. It’s the number one thing people bring up when abortion, foster care, divorce rates, and women’s rights are discussed in any type of capacity. How do I talk about those things without making it a dissertation? A long-winded informational essay that not even the bravest of researchers dare touch.

       Another thing I would like to be more knowledgeable in is gender studies, on the chemical level. It’s another one of my future essays or articles on my to-do list. Neuroscientists have recently denounced the notion of the male and female brain and now discuss those parts of the brain as the left and right. The former being associated with language development and emotions, while the latter is associated with memory and perception. Language being the part of the brain that develops faster in women and girls, leaving perception and dexterity to develop faster in boys and men. Since there have been a whole host of bad opinions when it comes to being transgender and a teenager or young child, I’m going to briefly mention my issues with the discussion as a whole and what sorts of things aren’t being mentioned or talked about at length. The first question I think I would ask is what is the process of diagnosing gender dysmorphia? How long is that process? And at what stage is hormone therapy recommended if at all? In terms of sports, how many transgender students are beating out the cis-gendered students within the pool of individuals whose gender they identify with? These questions are systematically ignored. That and as a mother, I’m not understanding why parents have lost the ability to discern between a child whose going through a phase and a child who genuinely doesn’t feel as if they’ve been given the correct body, like, for example, my “scene” or “emo” phase was an obvious phase. My being bi-sexual was not. Trying to conform to the tagline of “lesbian” also didn’t fit me. When you’re a teenager and you’re trying to figure out who you are and what you will contribute to the world. As a teen, you’re also trying to figure out how you fit and are coming to the realization that the “land of opportunity” may exclude you. The American Dream, is dead. I realize that this is said by a modicum of different people, with a propensity for lying and distorting the truth to fit their desired narratives, but are they wrong? It’s just the only thing that’s being left out of the conversation is the fact that the same people who claim they aim to fix it, are the same ones that are allowing (and secretly encouraging) this to happen. My point is, being a teenager is confusing enough as it is, and when we don’t allow children the space to experiment and allow them the ability to accentuate the parts of their personalities that they believe to be special, you end up with unhappy, disillusioned, and filled with hatred at am unfair world, so why would we make this time any more challenging than it already is? Over what? Because your son wants to wear a skirt to school? Who cares? Just ensure that they understand the consequences and what it could mean for the future. If he’s willing to accept that, then who cares? We need to quit coddling these children, that’s the real issue at hand. Also what about the lives of the children who are the bullies? I bring this up because one of the arguments that’s being peddled to the watchers of Fox News is that your child will ultimately be bullied, ridiculed, and humiliated by their fellow classmates either in the future for having changed their mind or for expressing their gender openly and honestly even if it differs from the gender given to them at birth. And my response to such nonsense and reaching that this statement implies is who the fuck are the parents of these children who are so mercilessly torturing their transgender counterparts, and why the fuck aren’t you doing anything about it? It’s like “they will be teased, so no you aren’t allowed to express any gender other than the one that was assigned to you at birth, instead of addressing the issue of bullying and tolerance that’s often reinforced in the home” or “instead of teaching my child to be nice to everyone no matter what and that any form of bullying is wrong, and if you wouldn’t want to be treated like that don’t treat others like that, I’d rather allow my child to continue being an intolerant piece of garbage who definitely judges a book by its cover, and doesn’t see the value in diversity because I don’t see the value of diversity and view it as an inherently bad thing when in reality diversity is good for everyone and benefits us all.” Like why would you want your child to be a bully? I don’t want that, I’d like to teach my child to love and accept everyone, even if they are different, what an odd thing to defend, the bully’s right to bully? Rather than the transgender boy to wear a skirt and participate in sports.

       Another thing I think I would like to learn about is hormones and gene therapy. It relates to the issue of transgender people because a soccer player in Africa was denied the ability to play I think in the Olympics or Olympic Qualifiers or something of that nature, because her testosterone levels were higher than that of an average woman. Now you may be asking, well was this person biologically female, to which I will tell you that YES, she was born a woman, and NO they did not allow her to play. That story, while I do not have the link, was briefly featured by Yahoo News, and received little to no attention, which is surprising to me because the “Left-Wing Snowflakes,” didn’t jump to say “I told you so,” and the “Alt-Right Defenders of Truth,” didn’t even try to debunk it or discredit the article. Life just kind of moved on. It’s this reason I’d like to learn more. I’ve heard rumors that are within the circle of sociologists and neuroscientists that there have been some deeply insightful discoveries into the hormone of testosterone. I have yet to confirm these, however I do know of some places to potentially start this research, including a documentary and new studies available, thanks in part to transgendered people being involved in clinical research studies. Regardless of whether or not you believe in the idea of transgender people, it’s happening, it’s a “social phenomenon” and should be studied just as vigorously as anything else, let’s find out if it really is an anomaly among the human population or is this a normal progression of human society and behavior? Does it really matter if it’s “brainwashing” our children? What’s so bad about it? It’s not our future, like, we won’t be living in it, so who are we to tell the next generation of adults how society should be operated, when at the end of the day, they will be the ones to live it? What if the future for them is free of the judgement and social norms that we all grew up with, wouldn’t that make for a happier society? And what’s so bad about wanting a fair, more free, more connected, and more globalized world? What is so wrong about inclusion and equality and why do so many men feel as if they are being marginalized? Why does the rights of a few groups of marginalized people finally gaining their rights, mean that yours will be taken? Has someone explicitly said that it is now you who must pay for the debts of your ancestors? Is that a part of this movement that I have yet to be aware of? Is it some unnamed law? What has caused this? Are men not going to college for fear of “being accused of rape?” Or does it have more to do with the different learning styles of boys/men and girls/women? I’d argue that it does. That’s why I’m so interested in learning about it. The importance of sociologists cannot be overstated, and they couldn’t be anymore underfunded.

       Another potential topic for me is to dig deep into the military and its affinity for making animals actual soldiers with actual ranks. This may seem a bit weird, but there is a fascinating story about a Marine, Sargent Reckless, who was not regarded as a horse, but a fellow soldier, and one with rank to boot. Let me repeat that, Reckless was promoted to Staff Sargent in the Marine Corp. How insane is that? She carried ammunition to the front lines and was instrumental in our victory over Korea. This horse drank beer, only needed to be taught things one time before she was able to retain and execute any task given to her and complete it, not flawlessly, but recklessly. The story of Reckless calls into question whether this is normal behavior for our soldiers. Does the military promote animals often? How often are animals used in the military and for what purposes other than to sniff bombs or find cadavers? Have there been any animals recently that have been employed by the military and if so what are their purposes? Are there any highly secret or confidential operations where animals are currently being used? In the past? Does the military use horses for this purpose often, or was it only in special circumstances because of the technological innovations in transportation and aviation? I just have many questions, we often hear about the relationship between law enforcement and their dogs, dogs being rehabilitated by prisoners, and service dogs that help people with debilitating PTSD live their lives on a day-to-day basis, so what about the military? I’m sure there are many examples of this within the organization, I just don’t think anyone has bothered to even ask.

       Another topic of interest, of which is almost comically “on brand” for me, is the Polyvagal Theory. This is a relatively new theory within the field of neuroscience but a vastly growing one. Seeing as it is on this list, you should assume that I do not know a whole lot about it. However, since this is the internet, I feel the need to make a disclaimer about my discussing the theory anyway, for austerity purposes. I am going to do my best to explain this theory to the best of my ability. Polyvagal Theory draws a direct and concrete link between the stress hormone cortisol, heart rate, and emotion expression and emotional states. It claims that if heartrate is controlled so too are emotions, and gives evidence for this conclusion. Then, using this evidence, it alludes to the implication that an individuals resting heartrate is a good indication of what their emotional state is all the time, arguing that if these could be controlled disorders like anxiety and depression (or any personality disorder really) can be cured or treated by teaching the patient to control their heartrate. Basically, another potential lead into the insights of these disorders and how they may be helped in the future, avoiding the painful processes of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and traditional “talk” therapy that could involve reliving painful experiences and traumatic events and emotions that could be unpleasant and that often hinders individuals from seeking out mental health services in the first place; the fear and shame of being vulnerable and exposed is enough of a deterrent for some to avoid treatment altogether. To avoid unpleasantries of dealing with your emotions out of an unfounded assumption that such an act is somehow weakness, and any show of weakness comes at the cost of respect from your peers. While I don’t necessarily believe in the idea of avoiding discomfort altogether, because I believe that being uncomfortable can sometimes be beneficial to the overall wellbeing of an individual because it’s a critical part of actually living and experiencing your life to the fullest; however, I will acknowledge that in certain circumstances it may be necessary for some patients to forgo that kind of approach either because they have already attempted to and it wasn’t successful or based on the recommendation of the attending physician, therapist, or psychologist. However, if this theory does prove to be fruitful what sorts of valuable insights would we gain from this? How many more people would be open and willing to seek out treatment if this were explained to the general population? How many people would it be beneficial to? And what are the larger implications if the findings prove to be true? What does it mean for society? Would it even be effective, or would it be akin to taking a placebo, the “power of positive thinking,” if I believe it to be true, then it is true, that kind of mindset?

       Those are only a few of the topics I wish to be more informed about, as a writer, I have many more and the list continues to grow, but no one ever achieves anything without asking the correct questions. You know, the questions that causes the orator to pause mid-sentence and genuinely think about the answer. Those are the questions that, when answered, have the power to move mountains, look over the edge of a cliff, see the crashing waves below, and with their hearts pounding at incredible speeds, their stomachs lurching in their throats in perfect tandem with the waves, as they peak over the ledge and their limbs grow numb from fear and anticipation, and they jump. They take the leap of faith. They trust fully in the universe, themselves, and what they believe in enough that they never question the impulse to leap, never look backwards, and never doubt a decision once it is made. The great minds of this world are never content with being idle. They are always moving, innovating, and asking all the right questions. They leave no stones unturned.

       I think we could all benefit from such a frame of mind. Give it a try, what answers do you seek?

Emotional Regulation via Grounding and Self-Soothing

Don’t we all want to have wise and mature responds to what life brings to us?

Emotional Regulation via Grounding and Self-Soothing

Name the professional athletes you respect the most and why.

I will be honest, I do not pay attention to very many athletes and the ones I am aware of are either retired, going to retire, or now identify as a woman. However, I’m going to give it my best go.

Bruce Jenner

I’m going to use Bruce to refer to the athlete as Caitlyn isn’t an athlete any longer and she often refers to Bruce as an entirely different person, and as luck would have it, I happen to agree with this. I don’t want to go into a whole thing about people who are transgender, I have opinions that I’m not sure aren’t based on fear and that mostly has to do with the fact that I have a daughter and since she is 3 I have no idea how her generation is going to operate, it could be fine, like it is now where kids experiment, realize it isn’t for them, and move on. That’s perfectly fine.

I don’t want people to overcorrect and pull a Mr. Garrison from South Park, where he does the most inappropriate shit with Mr. Slave to attempt to be fired for being gay, so that he can ultimately sue the school and win a whole law suit, but ends up having a change of heart because everyone (parents included) are allowing things to happen that are wildly inappropriate for children, and Garrison decided to forgo his plan either out of being a good person or because his efforts were futile, either way, I don’t want that to happen.

I apologize for those of you that already kind of “get it,” but I do NOT have enough of a following to not make that disclaimer. First off, let’s talk about the intricacies of the Olympic event that IS the decathlon.

The decathlon is a whopping 10-event contest that lasts 2 days. The 10 events are as follows:

Day One

  1. 100-Meter-Run
  2. The Long Jump
  3. Shot Put
  4. High-Jump
  5. 400-Meter-Run

Day Two

  1. 110-Meter-Hurdles
  2. Discus Throw
  3. Pole Vault
  4. Javelin Throw
  5. 1500-Meter-Run

That is by far NO easy task, and for those of you young ones Bruce was the third Olympic Champion to be featured on the Wheaties box in 1976. When he won the decathlon, remember, this was 1976. The winner of the decathlon in 1972 was a Soviet, as in the Soviet Union, and his name was Nikolai Avilov. The winners of these titles are also given the well-known (and well-boasted about) monicker of the “World’s Greatest Athlete.”

Bruce Jenner was an American fucking hero after he won in 1976, it was seen as symbolic in the fight against communism in the United States. With Avilov being Soviet, given the title of World’s Greatest Athlete in 1972, and holding the world record at the time, Bruce winning that decathlon, breaking the record, and taking home the gold medal for the United States, must have felt like history in the making. The Soviet Union fell on December 25, 1991, I know that in 1980 the United States tried to boycott the Summer Olympic Games that was held in Moscow even though several countries ended up participating anyways, and then in 1984 the Soviet Union stated that they were “not participating” in the games. Five years later the Soviets would begin to face a revolution that began in 1989.

People forget, that before Bruce was comfortable being Caitlyn, before she won Woman of the Year (which I’m not entirely sure you deserve to achieve like two HUGE accomplishments like that in one lifetime, however he was married to Kris so, who fucking knows right?), and even before Kim K’s sex tape. Bruce Jenner was a legend.

I had intended on naming other athletes like Joe Burrow, Serena Williams, Katie LaDecky and so forth, but I don’t know DICK about any of them. They don’t motivate me like Bruce or inspire me like Caitlyn. I could just not know much about them, I mean, my dad is old as shit, and HE even talked about Bruce Jenner when I was growing up (for some reason the Olypics was, like, a thing in my house? I have NO idea why), even as a Select soccer player he was still someone to look up to. The work ethic alone is enough to inspire motivation.


I’m going to list three of my core beliefs and why they matter to me. Perhaps someone will relate to them or agree with me on some points.

Everyone should have the right to bodily autonomy.

Everyone deserves the right to govern their own bodies and make decisions for themselves. Everyone. Whether you identify as male, female, asexual, LGBTQ+ ect, it does not matter. The abortion issue frequently comes up when this is being discussed and while I have been rather hesitant only sharing a few of my viewpoints, I aim to address those in full, as I am in no way fearful of potential reprecussions.

I’m well-versed on the subject of abortion, I’m in the middle of writing a book on adoption and the issues within the system and unfortunately adoption goes hand-in-hand with abortion and affects nearly every sector of Child Protective Services and all of the programs that are designed to aid women and children. For starters, let’s stop assuming (well men need to stop assuming really) that women are irresponsible and should be held accountable for “spreading their legs,” when in reality most women who receive an abortion never thought in a million years that they would find themselves having to make such a heartbreaking decision.

Second, I’ll add some facts on how birth control was conceived (no pun intended). Birth control was formed by the Catholic church originally, and was designed to give women their periods and prevent the influx of children into the system that was occurring at the time. However, in order to keep he integrity of the church it had to be “natural,” so it was engineered to give women mencies every month, not only to assure that they couldn’t get pregnant while on the pill, but also to alert women that they were not pregnant. This leads me into why some women forgo the option to even take birth control.

When an egg is released, it punctures and leaves a hole in the uterine wall. This cell division has the potential to cause cauncer because that’s what cancer is on the molecular level. Cancer is caused when the cell divides. Women who are on birth control are more likely to develop all sorts of different kinds of cancer depending on the woman’s individual body type. Not to mention that birth control comes with some wicked side effects which is the reason a lot of women rely on the pull-out method or Plan B. Birth control methods like Mirana that requires your doctor to insert it, those are dangerous. They can be stuck into the uterine wall and can cause ectopic pregnancies (where the egg is fertilized and begins to grow outside of the uterus, which can cause hemorrhaging, and that can lead to death if not treated immediately).

New research has surfaced and doctors are claiming that more and more women are having these ectopic pregnancies and that’s very dangerous for those that are in states where abortion access is limited or banned entirely. This is why its extremely important that abortion access be legal and safe. Sexual promiscuity is NOT an excuse for taking away a woman’s right to choose. It shouldn’t matter what city council thinks (as is the case in Mason, Ohio), it shouldn’t matter what Sally in goddamn Nebraska thinks, and then men in these women’s lives should have no say either. That last point seems harsh, but women who are in happy and healthy relationships often confer with their partners anyways. The women who don’t are usually victims of rape or are in environments that they don’t feel comfortable raising children in. For all those conservatives that believe men should have a say when they are in a committed relationships, they already do. It’s rare circumstances that the mans opinion is not taken into consideration.

Comprehensive sexual education in schools.

Another one of my core beliefs, especially since I have a 3-year-old daughter, is fighting for comprehensive sexual education in school. No. I do NOT mean abstinence-based sexual eduation, that’s a load of bullshit. I want young men to be educated on a woman’s anatomy, taught about what constitutes as consent (including how to aquire it), and to be knowledgeable about pregnancy and what it does to women’s bodies along with the effects of menstruation.

Most men I encounter hardly know anything about these subjects. I have heard many a man proclaim that you cannot “rape your wife,” which is an absolutely absurd thing to say and is jarring to hear as a woman. I will tell my husband some of the experiences I have had as a young woman trying to navigate sex, love, and relationships and he looks at me as if I have multiple heads. He is the exception, not the rule. My husband isn’t a pig. It brings me great relief, however it concerns me because he believes that because he would never act like that, most other men will also not behave that way; I know better. I feel as if I am reminding him constantly that our daughter will eventually be a young woman, and if we don’t educate our young men now, I fear my daughter will also have these same awful experiences.

Comprehensive sexual education in schools will alleviate a lot of issues in our current society. If we taught every child equally whether they are young men or women we would all benefit greatly. I’ll use the menonites as an example of this because it’s one of the few societies where it’s an evident and palpable issue. Menonites aren’t taught about sex hardly at all, let alone the consequences of having unprotected sex. When young women decide that they no longer wish to be Menonite, they often find themselves in less than savory situations. Drug use and pregnancies out of wedlock being the most common. The reference I am using for this is a personal account from the television show Breaking Amish. You can argue the legitimacy of this all day but I also have background knowledge as I live in Ohio and my Aunt hires the Amish to do upgrades and maintenence on her farm home in Pennsylvania. Both PA and OH are areas that are largely inhabited by the Amish, hell the spices I use in the food I cook, are from the Amish haha. Abstinence-only programs have been proven time and time again to be ineffective against stopping premature sexual encounters. Second question, who REALLY wants to talk to their own kids about sex?

The power of positive thinking

My final core belief is to stay positive. The saying, “fake it until you make it” has some science behind it. It’s not the end all be all of solutions, no. You still have to put in the work to break the habits of rumination that you’ve conditioned yourself into. However, there are studies that show if you think positiveely enough, you will attract positivity to you. For example, have you ever worried about something happening (regardless of it being good or bad) so much it consumes your every thought, and then (much to your dismay) it happens? That’s the power your perception holds. Look at the things that happen to you as an opportunity to grow and learn and you wll be much better for it, and attract the things you desire in your life.

I’m retisent to comment on The Secret and the law of attraction because people take it far too literally. There is some merit to it, but to claim that it has the potential to change your life overnight is a massive lie. The effects of your positivity may take a long time to manifest themselves in reality, but give it effort and enough time and watch your life change for the better, approach any problem as if it were a new opportunity, a chance to learn, or engagee in something new. That’s the power of positivity.

Why do you blog?

I believe I have answered this in some forma already, however I think I have, not only reflected upon, but refined my snswer into something that is actually plausible and isn’t a complete shit show.

I blog because I need an outlet? Like, I need to have somewhere to go that isn’t exactly public but isn’t exactly a secret. It’s my proverbial ‘reading nook,’ you know, that place where you go to escape and read a good book. It’s usually somewhere small and confined (if you aren’t clausterphobic), that only you know about.

That’s what this is for me. This apartment is small and my ideas are big and my time is short.

I have much to give and I may have realized a bit too late. Or maybe I realized that I’m not as masochistic as I’d like to think. I’m not sure, but I know there is talent and a skill that has the potential to be valuable to everyone.

As bad as this is going to sound, being adopted has allowed me a strange disconnection to people around me. Not in that I don’t connect with them or love them, not at all. It’s just that, I have the ability to override my impulsive emotional grudges (those injustices that you cannot seem to forgive or let go of), and explain their actions or behaviors. I can take their lived experiences and live them right alongside them and understand the reasons for their choices. I think I have always had this ability and it’s become invaluable to me over the past few years, as I’ve had to employ an innumerable amount of different world-views and perceptions of a vast array of people.

But people are also foreign to me, it often feels like I’m a zoo animal or maybe, I am the person walking through the zoo. Actually, you know what it feels like, I just came to the conclusion.

It feels like Lindsey Lohan (a.k.a. Cady) walking into the mall (after the iconic, “get in bitch, we’re going shopping,” line) for the first time and describing the center of it as being a “watering hole.” Gosh do you remember how completely innocent Lohan’s character felt? Analyzing the behaviors and habits of everyone around her, and looking at them in complete shock and awe at them.

That’s why I blog, those feelings, those moments, and the emotions that arise in me upon their mention…..those things cannot be openly shared here, unfortunately. It can be stifling, yes. If you want to know the actual life I lead, read the book, “The Crane Wife,” that is what I am.

I am The Crane Wife and I am here to tell my story to all who will listen.

There Will Be Rats

“There will be rats coming in [to the library] to practice reading, and some to do research.”

Robert C. O’Briem

There will be rats, all sorts.

You cannot be rid of them for they are not akin to bed-bugs or roaches.

They oftentimes live amongst us, as distraction creeps into the human psyche, we are becoming unable to discern the difference between them.

Some rats work some don’t, some thrive, while others do not. Some spell good fortune and others may bring doom.

However, whether they bring in the next Golden Era, the ‘utopia’ one seeks or they come bearing the gifts of authoritarianism and societal collapse, you can be sure:

There will be rats, all sorts.

What was the last thing you searched for online? Why were you looking for it?

The funny thing is, the last thing I searched online was a book called Denial by: Jon Raymond and I was actually quoting it. Well really rather I was referring to something that I had learned in it for a iece I worked on yesterday.

It was about denial and how humans essentially have always lived in denial and that’s how we survived. I mean, if you think about it long enough we are 3most likely here today because of anxiousness and fear. While we may not have anything to fear physically, I believe that fear and anxiousness propel us foreward. If we don’t have that inner voice telling us that we need to panic or we need to fear something then what allows us to be successsful?

On the flip side of that, people who are overconfident in their abilities often do well in denial. The brain utilizes projection and previous experiences to aide you in your everyday life. That’s why confirmation bias is a thing in the first place. Our brains are constantly processing information and data about everything and often unconsciously. Our conscious thinking isn’t really the issue here, we can’t change it, we can only really just expand our worlview.

If you want to be specific ahout it, it’s akin to what Mark Zuckerberg and Facebook does with your meta data. Well aside from deleting it haha. That’s what makes our brains so fascinatiing, data goes in and nothing is really ever comes out. It’s just added to the long list of random garbage in your head that you would rather have no one see.

It would be an interesting book to summarize. If you all would be interested in it, I could do book reviews. I inhale books, they’re literally my lifeblood, and I have finished over 400 and something books this year. I’ll admit, they’re mostly non-fiction. I just can’t write fiction anymore I am an AWFUL world-builder.

Like how do people like J.K. Rowling and Stephanie Meyer create these elaborate worlds (Stephanie Meyer specifically because not only does she bounce around different genres of fiction, but they’re long and elaborate)? The immersion is almost unbelieveable.