My husband is forcing a sunny disposition out of me today with his negativity. With only $25 dollars to our name and really the only things in my kitchen are Rice-Roni for a Ham, some leftovers from last night, bread, eggs, and a few slices of Kraft cheese. Which is actually kind of fine because all my daughter wants to eat is “black” toast.
I understand this SOUNDS like a racial slur, and look, I get it. However despite my daughters pale complexion, she’s actually a quarter Nigerian; she’s a “Logic” baby, but the opposite, I am unsure how to describe it haha. Anyways I can asure you it’s NOT a racial slur, I just put Nutella onto her toast or pancakes in the morning and compared to peanut butter it IS black. Everyone that hears it, doesn’t know whether to laugh or to scold, I quickly rush in and explain as their face shows VISIBLE signs of relief. Most of the time they don’t realize that I also secretly feel relieved because I’m not going to be judged by another parent as encouraging or laughing at a racism while being half Nigerian haha. Lord knows the LAST thing I need is for people to think I’m teaching my daughter to salute while simultaneously saying “hail Hitler” from her baby mouth. Whew bullet dodged.
The more time I spend to try to type this the more my husband is trying to talk to me about things I don’t care about, however, I’m still listening? Like, I’m not doing what he does to me, which also kind of makes me feel superior because I am being an active listener. I’m not listening to respond. A thing that drives me nuts because he does it when I’m mid-sentence, and half the time when the sentence is finished he’s like, “oh that’s not what I thought you were going to say,” only to be met with an exasperated eye roll and accompanying glare that pretty much says, “no shit dumbass,” and have to wonder if this is how he feels? And also why can he not at least humor me? Like damn, at least PRETEND to care?
I was going to note that it appears opposite-minded couples fill a need for each other, and that since I’m kind of being ‘forced’ to be positive, it would seem the old slogan:
“Fake it till ya make it” a whole lot of credit because I do feel much better. Not ‘sunny’ but not as depressed as I have been. Probably because our schedule is going back to normal, my husband was off for almost 2 weeks due to covid. It could also be the stir craziness or covid mania that was causing the massive amounts of depression.