Craziest Thing….

I just had the craziest thing happen to me. It was a sever moment of self-doubt but a very good realization and lesson for me to learn. Simply the idea of POSSIBLY failing something I try, is enogh to scare me away from trying and doing new things. Things I might even enjoy god forbid.

Anyways, I started this blog not fully realizing what I was really signing myself up for, I’m sure as most people who start personal blogs do. As a result, it should be no surprise that I have ran (and it’s almost guaranteed that I will in the future as well) into technical issues along this journey.

I’ve struggled with everything from too many plugins to validation errors I don’t understand, and tonight I felt terrible about it. I mean I came close to Mark Twaining this thing right in the garbage.

The thing that was differnt however was that this time I wasn’t quite willing to accept defeat. I decided to take a different approach and treat this as any other creative process I go through with any of my work. I’ve described the process before and plan to dedicate an entire piece to my chaotic process so I will only give a brief summary. The quick version is that I have a picture in my mind of what the finished product is going to look like. It’s almost like the first impressions you receive from a stranger….

It’s breef, often doesn’t tell you a lot about the person, sometimes you don’t immediately get the full picture, messy, and not at all who you envisioned when you connected Dan’s face with Dan’s name, if that makes sense.

I’ll look at the empty page, document, coloring piece, or blank essay paper and receive in immense detail what the finished product will be, and then I will never be able to access that full product again until it’s been completed. It only lasts for about a second and then the information becomes completely inaccessible to me.

So I did this today and applied it to my blog because at the end of the day I know what I want this to be. If I have to make a few adjustments, I can. I have no idea why I haven’t adopted this point of view sooner or only now came to that conclusion this is no different than any of the other things I’ve tried to do with my art.

I don’t have to trash an entire piece because one part of it isn’t working or seems impossible. This is going to be a good thing, I know it will be. I think that what I have to say is relevant and important and If I have to adopt the Gen Z manifesting garbage I keep seeing on my tumblr, well fuck I’m gonna do it.

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